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[23 Jul 2004|10:48pm]
i have a new journal trailofblood
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~*~If Only~*~ [25 Jun 2004|08:01pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I havent updated in awhile.. so i figured i would.. although i dont see why it matters becasue no one ever reads and posts on my journal.. but anyways.. the past week has been rather confusing.. and im not going to go all into detail because if ur involved in what happened u know and if you werent then it doesnt matter.. but im faced with decisions to make.. so im going up to VA with samantha's mom.. and im prolly gonna stay for about 10 days or so.. i was supposed to go to a movie with andy today but my sister couldnt help me out because she was going to her friends house and spending the night.. and my mom was like no im not doing anything so i guess ur not going out tonight.. so that sucked pretty bad.. and i had to go work a bunch.. so i didnt even get to tell him until like 7:00 so i felt kinda bad about all that.. so im hoping somehow i will be able to go up to his work tomorrow.. but then again i doubt it because i have to work.. but maybe it will just start raining and i can go hehe.. well anyways im really looking forward to going to VA and i get my braces off in like 4 weeks.. im kinda looking forward to next school year but thats kinda hard not really knowing where im gonna go.. i dont really want to go to mt. pleasant again.. no wait.. i know i dont want to go there again.. so i think my options are independence, butler, or home schooled.. but who knows i will prolly end up at garanger.. oh lord.. well im bored.. and to everyone that matters.. love ya.. peaceness

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"Stay Gold" [20 Jun 2004|03:23pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Like the background? hehe i do!! My friend Andy did it for me.. well anyways the other day i woke up at 6:30 in the morning to go work with my dad.. and i finished at 6:30 that night... that stunk so bad.. i mowed 14 or 15 yards i think and i made 80 dollars.. so thats not to bad.. but it was alot of work.. well then when i got done.. i took a shower.. thats when brittany called and was like hey im over at monicas wanna come over.. and i was like umm.. well im not doing anything else so i guess so.. so i got all m y stuff together and went to check my mail real quick before i left.. and thats when i found out something involving samantha and andy.. but i had to go so i couldnt stay around to here everything that was going on.. so i tried to call samantha but i couldnt figure out her grandmas number.. so i called andy and asked him about it.. i feel really bad about the whole thing i dont like seeing either one of them sad.. it sucks.. but im pretty sure they will become friends like before.. so anyways i get to brittanys and there is this dude james there.. and him and brian were drinking like crazy.. they were playing pyramid.. and i mean the just were drinking like crazy.. beer after beer.. well they got really drunk and they were being so stupid.. and they would like start beating each other up.. and like James was all like "help me casey, help me" so i like started trying to protect him.. which if you saw how big james was man.. he like a rock.. so to have me be his protector was kinda funny.. but then after i stopped brian from beating him up.. the rest of the night he was like omg ur so awesome your like at the top of my list and all this stuff..it was funny.. then we started video taping them.. and then i was tired from working all day and it was like 1:00 so i went to sleep.. well i woke back up around 3 or 4.. and brian was in the bathroom shaking and throwing up like crazy.. and monica was back there saying stuff like "you better not die and leave me here with this baby" haha it was so funny.. well after he passed out on the floor.. i went to the bathroom when i noticed something jumping around in the trash can and i thought it was a frog.. but when i turned on the lights i realized it was a mouse so i run in the den and im like brittany there is a mouse in the trash can and she runs back there and then we go and wake up James and we are like there is a mouse.. he goes back there to kill it but we couldnt find it.. we were lauging so hard.. and we named the mouse kevin.. so everytime we were talkin about the mouse we used kevin and brian was all like next time i see kevin im gone kill him with my bare hands.. then we named it Markus Angel Myers names of 3 people we dont like so when it dies we wont be sad.. because we like the kevin we know..well then we went back in the den to try and sleep and end up just talkin about random stuff.. it was like 6:30 or so and the sun was comming out and we were still all awake.. we eventually fell asleep.. but yeah that was my night.. and now im here at home waiting for samantha to get home so i can talk to her.. well i have my cell phone now.. my number is 7045894563 for anyone that cares

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So I will paint you in silver and wrap you in cold [18 Jun 2004|01:02pm]
[ mood | restless ]

Once again another wrestless night.. so i went to my shrink the other day.. gah i hated it.. i have to go back monday.. man this really bites.. oh well nuff bout that.. last night i went working with my dad.. and after not sleeping in like 4 days.. i was so restless and we had to mow the hardest yard of them all.. with hills and everything.. i usually dont sweat.. im not a big sweater.. but i was sweating.. i just wanted to fall down and die.. i thought i was going really slow to.. but we ended up finishing in an hour.. and my dad gave me an extra dollar for working so hard.. hmm.. well anyways.. nothing to much is going on.. i hate not being able to have transportation.. im home alone every day.. so its hard to go to my friends house.. unless their parents want to drive for 30 min to come pick me up.. well anyways samantha i wrote a poem last night i posted it.. and i really want you 2 read it.. so u know where it is.. well im out

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What does it take to get through to you precious? [16 Jun 2004|02:35pm]
[ mood | restless ]

So i havent written in ahwile.. things happend.. i had stuff to write but i have just been to restless to write.. i have only had 3 hrs of sleep in the past 2 days.. one day im just gonna pass out from exhaustion. Well anyways, alot has been going on... not really like with people.. but alot has been going on inside me.. so many confusions.. my body is emotionally drained.. and restless.. so I stopped talking to markus for like 4 days.. when i get a phone call from Terasa tellin me we should get back together.. and that he was talkin about how he still loved me and all this other stuff.. well first off i dont know how much of this is true.. secondly, if it is true and markus does love me.. he has a lame ass way of showing it.. so w/e.. im tired of worrying about the whole thing.. then with kyle.. i talked to him a little bit like saturday night.. and well we were supposed to get together tuesday since he has a day off.. but that didnt happen.. i was up at my grandmas waiting on him.. but he was supposed to come at 1:30 and i had to leave at 1:50.. so i mean its not really his fault it didnt work.. plus i didnt get to talk to him since the day we made the plans.. so that was just a lack of communication.. and planning.. but its probably good i didnt see him.. he wears me out.. hearing all his problems over and over.. and all his nicole stories.. it gets old.. im tired of hearing it.. and with my whole emotionally drained situation.. its not what i need.. then there is this one dude.. but we arent even gonna go there.. because not in a million yrs will i ever need to go down that road..
this brings me to James, hes perfect, great guy, and he is always there for me which really means alot to me and i need that alot right now.. me and samantha had a lil talk about some boys last night and everything else thats going on.. this really cheered me up.. i love talkin to samantha.. and we look at everything the same.. so we usually have these very deep, random, crazy, conversations that usually make me happy and laugh.. we both decided we wanted 2 really hot guys that were friends or even twins.. haha.. and that we wanted a guy who would touch us.. not like oOoO baby touch.. like a simple tough.. holding hands.. gives us a hug.. occasional kiss.. and nothing else.. we were talkin about how much we need someones love right now.. and how when we were 16 we were gonna be out everynight and staying at the other ones house.. and take turns driving (gas).. i cant wait.. its gonna be so awesome to be able to get away.. i hate my house.. its like a living hell.. i hate going home like most people hate going to hell.. im prolly gonna try to go stay with samantha for a few weeks to get away.. i need that.. i cant take all this stress that i get when im here.. which brings me to me and samanthas ulcer conversation last night and how much we are in risk of getting one.. well anyways my psychatrist appointment is tomorrow.. i swear im gonna go off on this chick.. im so angry and just tired.. and if she starts acting all doctory and like i have problems.. im just gonna blow up.. i cant stand people like that.. but oh well im looking forward to yelling and scream at someone.. hehe.. i was watching the real world last night.. and there is this one chick frankie right.. and shes got this cool boyfriend Dave.. (man does that name bring memories) and well they were so cute together.. and when they saw each other when he was in the airport i was like AwWwWwW!! it was sOoOo cute and he forgave her for all that stuff with adam.. i want something like that.. they know each other so well.. they are like one.. and neither one of them was selfish or high maintance and gay.. they were both the same.. cool.. down to earth.. sup.. people.. maybe one day i can find something like that 2.. and whoever they are i hope they have a tongue ring because those are just freakin awesome.. and im sure i would enjoy it.. teehee..

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....life needs to get better..... [12 Jun 2004|12:00am]
[ mood | life sucks! ]

(amanda) well..today was kinda a good/bad day..its was good because i got to go shopping a bunch but its bad because my parents are going through this hole divorce thing and it sucks really bad..anwayz, this morning i got up at like 11:30 and just chilled for a little bit...i took a shower and got out at about 12:30....well, randomly, brian shows up at my house today at like around 1... he had some guy named jason drop him off and then the same guy picked him up at like 2..i was soooo surprised when i saw him pull up..he came up to my door and was all like hey...i had no clue how to react...i asked him why he just randomly stopped by without calling or anything and he was just like because he hasnt seen me in a while and he wanted to talk to me for a little bit.. so we set down and watched tv and talked for a little bit..i guess that it was fun...it reminded me of old times and i sorda wanted all of that back for a split second but then i realized how stupid that would be and i felt like hitting myself..haha..well after he left i went shopping and goodys and bought a hole bunch of new clothes, but when i got home all of the excitement of going shoping was emediatally cancelled out by the hole situation that is going on between my mom and dad... my moms staying at her sisters house tonight so my dad can stay home...tomorrow my moms going to stay home and my dad is probably going to stay at his brothers...man, this sucks sooo bad...why couldnt my family just stay together and not just screw up all of a sudden like this....my dad keeps telling me that its going to get better and easier but why cant he just make it all stop?.... i guess that would be because then he would be living a lie....well, im gonna go to bed because "sleep takes me out of this world, out of pain" (the famous words of kaci on her sonnet in english 1 with mrs. tomasino) ttyl....bffnwowh

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gayness in the anus [10 Jun 2004|09:35pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

umm okay... well the other day my best friend samantha came over to hang out.. we went for a walk.. and then we went to blockbuster to get a movie and to get her a carowinds pass.. well we get there and this dude that works there came up to us and asks us what kinda movie we are looking for.. well this dude is kinda a nerd.. he is really tall and lanky and he has black hair that kinda hangs in his face and these really big black rimmed glasses.. and he was like theres comedy horror.. blah blah blah.. and so we go.. ummmmm.. comedy.. so he takes us to the comedy section and is showing us all these movies.. and then he showed us edward sissorhands... and samantha goes "oh is that the one where this dude pokes all these guys eyes out" and the man goes "umm not particualrly" and i just started laughing.. and the dude starts telling us all about it.. and he said its "really good" (riiiigggghhhtt) but anyways.. we go to check out and he just happens to also be the man thats going to check us out.. and we get up there with the edward sissorhands movie.. and we are renting it.. when i realize i dont have any money.. so i ask samantha for some.. and so she gives it to me pretending like she is all mad.. and then we had a penny change.. and samantha goes u can keep the change.. just joking around talking to me.. not the dude.. but the dude thought she was talkin to him.. and goes "OH YAY!! maybe i will be rich some day" and we were like ummm.. and then he was like well tell me what u think of the movie.. and we just leave.. so anyways.. we get home.. and we start watching the movie.. and its really wierd.. and not funny at all.. so we decided to come down and see whats going down on the internet.. thats when kyle gets on.. and well he was all i guess u can say sad that i wasnt talkin to him.. which really confused me because i thought he didnt want to talk to me.. but he started talkin to me through our display names.. and that was getting kind of fun.. and he said something like i caused him pain.. so i said "you should be used to it.. its all you claim to know" and he goes do YOU think u can bring me down.. and i said no you are already as low as the come? do u think u can live? and he was like umm.. just talk to me.. and he IMs me and well we are talkin.. and thats when he goes.. "nicole is bringing me down".. OH MAN DOES IT FEEL GOOOOD TO BE RIGHT!!!.. well anyways.. the conversation was alright.. he told me that he loved me and that he would always be there for me.. and that he was going to get some help tomorrow because nicole brought him down where he used to be and now he had forgotten how to cope.. so thats really good.. then when we were done talking to "FroNoMo" (hahahaha cari...) Andy decides to get on.. and we have him call us.. and then we called him back.. hmm.. anyways.. we are talkin to andy.. and at the same time we are watching the end of edward scissorhands..okay that movie was just SAD.. and WRONG.. and it made me very mad.. i wish i could just re-due that whole moive... anyways we were talkin to andy... and thats when we named my couch Mr. Bob.. yes thats right.. we named my couch Mr. Bob.. and we were just talkin about random stuff when my mom walks in and yells at me for being up and on the phone at 2:30 in the morning.. so we ended up hanging up on andy.. and just talked until we fell asleep.. the next day.. (today) we woke up and it was already 12:00 and we got ready in like 5 min.. and then we were off to carowinds with my sister.. i drove by the way.. kinda.. well anyways we had a great time at carowinds.. we kicked samanthas shoe off on the top of drop zone and it was really really funny.. it hit the ground really hard.. and everyone knew us as the people whose shoe fell.. well my sister needs to get on.. so i gots to get off...

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:-D [10 Jun 2004|02:37pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

(amanda) well, i finally got my braces off!!!! my teeth look so cool! well, monday morning i got my braces off at like a little after 10.. it took them 2 hours to take all of the stuff off..after that i just came home and chilled for a little bit.. i called my friend tabitha and we both decided to go get our nails and toe nails done that day so i could chill with kaci on tuesday..(because i was supossed to get them done tuesday).. well right after she got off work on her way to my house she got in a wreck so that didnt happen... she hit someone comming out of the hospital who had just had a back surgery a couple hours before.. so she sent that patient back in the hosiptal...so i ended up having to go help with this stupid VBS at my church that my mom is making me help with because we got in another fight.. well tuesday morning i went and got my retainer which really sucks.. it hurts like crazy and it irritates my mouth.. i cant talk with it and i sound soooo funny.. after that i went with tabitha and we went and got our nails done.. well when we were leaving the mall she backed into a car in the parking lot..we didnt see anyone around who could of saw it so we just left..no one saw it or said anything to use which is a really good thing because it would suck to be charged with hit-and-run-of-a-parked-car or whatever.. now its really hard to type because my nails are longer then usual..well tuesday and wednesday i got stuck staying with tabitha at her boyfriends house because her boyfriend was out of town and tabitha had to keep a watch on the d0gs and everthing.. i really didnt want to stay because i wanted to hangout with kaci and maybe travis those days but my dad asked me to because she didnt want to stay by herself....so i finally walked in the door today and my mom decides to tell me that my dad isnt in love with her anymore and that they're probably going to get a divorce...which isnt cool at all because now both of my parents want me to move in with them and it kinda sucks when you have to hurt 1 of the people that you love the most in the world just to make the other one happy... it also sucks to see your family be torn apart and start to hate each other but oh-well..kaci, i want to talk to you more about that situation later....ttyl....bffnmwowh

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:'( [08 Jun 2004|04:55pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Okay well.. Markus didnt read it.. so i kinda freaked out for nothing.. but yeah.. anyways.. im a dork.. well today i woke up like at 12:00 and ate left over muffins.. then me and my sister played need for speed and then i went to the orthodontist where i found out that i get my braces off very soon.. they kept saying.. lets finish u up.. come back and we will finish u up.. ur so close to getting them off.. so i think im gonna go back in 2 weeks.. then they are gonna put something on and then the next time i go back.. they are comming off.. then i will be like amanda.. well anyways.. i get home.. and get on the computer and kyle and samantha are on.. so i talk to them.. yeah kyle does nothing but hurt me.. so i told him i wasnt gonna talk to him ne more.. and samantha.. yeah shes still awesome.. i talked to her for a long time last night to.. and that was fun.. she showed me pics of her friend sam and hes really hot.. well then i talked to markus and he was like im pissed off and i dont want to talk to u.. well umm okay.. WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME!?!?! am i like that stupid or ugly or dumb i mean what is it.. all i get is liein bastards who hate me.. geez.. well im gonna go.. bye

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WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!! [07 Jun 2004|03:42pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

(casey)okay so i think markus read my journal and if u have read it you know why that would be a bad thing.. but WHY should i care.. WHY do i care? so when i found out.. my heart started beating real fast and i felt like i just wanted to fall down and die..i felt pain.. what have i done? is what i asked myself.. the pain overwhelms me.. but WHY do i care WHY?!?!?! he never loved me he never cared about me.. he could care less how i felt.. so WHY do i care how he feels? Screw kyle i dont want to be with him.. he can have nicole for all i care.. i dont want him.. im tired of all the stpuid guys that tell me they love me but they so easily forget about me.. WHY!?!?! cant someone love me.. am i that unloveable.. am i that ugly.. whats wrong with me? WHY cant i let go to markus.. he hates me.. but he touched me.. he gave me attention.. my weakness.. im a slave to attention.. and then he got me hooked.. so he could just leave without saying goodbye.. and now hes read my journal.. but WHY should i care.. WHY is the pain so bad? I feel like i only liked kyle because he was something that looked good.. he was a way to get over markus.. but the truth is it prolly would have ended in more pain to.. but WHY!? what is so wrong with me? i dont get it... WHY can markus just treat me like he says he feels about me.. WHY can i let him go.. because nothing is gonna change im just gonna feel more pain? how do people do it? how do they get over this stuff? i feel defeated i cant do it.. but WHY!?!?! WHY!?!?! WHY?!?! WHY do i love him?!?! i dont want to .. cuz it hurts.. i want to let go.. im not ready for anything.. there is no way i could be with someone else right now.. WHY!?!?

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"I dont want to have sex I want to make love".. what guys say when they just wanna have sex [07 Jun 2004|01:58pm]
[ mood | numb ]

alright well im sitting here at 2:03 in the afternoon eating muffins.. i know not really breakfast time but it is for me because i JUST woke up.. haha.. it really made me mad though because i went to look at the muffins and i like my food really raw.. and doughy.. so i looked at it and they seemed like they would be done in like another minute.. because they were still really rare.. well i go back like a min later and they are BURNT.. well not really burnt most people would prolly like them like that but i like mine raw.. well anyways enough about my muffins.. las night i went out with my sister.. we went to her friend Ashley's there was this one married couple there.. the baby.. and this other dude Paul.. and they had 2 cute dogs.. but they were BIG.. anyways.. we watched half baked.. it was really cool.. and funny.. my sister let me hold the little baby.. it was so awesome.. i looked down at her and i saw her eyes.. and it really made me think.. i mean that she was alive just like me.. but unlike me she was oblivious.. she was ignorant.. and well there is bliss in ignorance.. idk.. it really made me think.. it almost made me feel like she was mine for a second.. but then she started crying.. and i realized yeah im definitely not ready for that!!! haha.. and my sister took her back.. well we stayed there until 1130 and then me and my sister left and drove around for a lil bit.. just driving randomly.. no where we really wanted to go.. we do this alot.. because my sister knows that i hate going home.. and when im in a car just listening to music is like where i go to escape.. i really charish my car time.. haha.. well when i get home i get ready for bed and then get on the computer.. well kyle gets on.. and so does my friend samantha.. so im talkin to kyle and samantha.. and she decided to call me.. so she calls me and we are talkin on the phone.. and talkin to kyle at the same time.. i say we becasue i was telling her everything he would say and we were helping each other come up with stuff to say back.. funny thing tho.. the other night before i got grounded kyle was tellin me how much he wanted to be with me.. and he was back to his normal self.. before he knew nicole.. before she changed my precious kyle.. but anyways.. not tonight.. he had hung out with nicole at work.. and he was back in the life is a living hell kind of mode.. and all this other crap.. and tellin me i couldnt understand?.. i laugh at this.. people who really know me.. know i could understand.. but w/e so we were having a lil discussion about it.. and me and my friend we sayin some good stuff.. haha and he knew what we were sayin was true.. and then he goes.. okay i will be with you.. but im still gonna talk and hang out with nicole.. and i was like WHAT! excuse me?.. "okay you will be with me?" im sorry but that just makes it sound like ur doing me a favor.. like u guess you will.. and im sorry but i dont want that.. i want to be treated special.. i want it to be a pleasure for someone to be with me.. he used to make me feel special but not since he met the stupid nicole girl.. hes changed he says he hasnt.. but i know he has.. hes diffrent now.. and it makes me sad because its like before when he used to be my old sweet kyle.. i had markus shoved to far up my butt.. and where i knew kyle was perfect it was to akward to talk to him because i always felt like i was cheating and markus would see me and never want to be with me again.. huh.. but then i started noticing that when i pictured myself with someone it wasnt markus.. and i got over him.. very slowly and it hurt very bad.. and i started picturing kyle with me.. but u know what.. im so numb from all the pain from markus.. i know that im sad.. but i dont feel anything.. its very wierd.. well anyways.. we stop talkin to him.. and we just start talking and its like 330 in the morning.. and she has to go to school soon.. haha so she just decided she wasnt going to sleep and she would just sleep after her exmas.. so.. we just stayed up until like 5 talkin but i think i fell asleep on her because i just remember laying there this morning and my sister come in the room and take something out of my hand.. im pretty sure it was the phone.. but i cant remeber and then a lil bit later she comes in with the phone again and gives it to me and its barry.. he needed to tell me something.. barrys a cool dude.. but anyways.. then i fell back asleep.. and then i finally woke up to hear my mom yell at me about how i sleep to late.. and how my days and nights are mixed up.. well anyways.. write more later..
im out

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im glad your back!! [06 Jun 2004|07:53pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

(amanda).....T......P.. two awesome letters that can mean a great deal!!! i cant wait kaci, and i know you're looking forward to it to.. anywayz, today was pretty much boring.. i got up and went to church and then went and ate and Kanes & Walkers (aka-K&W).. after that i came home and basically just chilled.. i talk to travis today!!! (finally) which is pretty awesome.. to bad that me, kaci, and umm....k y l e couldnt go and hang out at travis's.. i was kinda looking forward to it.. well, kaci! guess what FINALLY happens tomorrow at 10:15 in the morning? i get my braces off!!! im soooo excited.. ive had metal in my mouth for over 2 years and i cant wait until i can feel my teeth again.. im gonna have to wear a retainer for a while after that though, but its totally ok because anything will be better then metal.. i cant wait until you get yours off to.. that way we can have dashingly awesome smiles together :)!!! well, i guess that im gonna go for now! ill ttyl :)

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Im back!! [06 Jun 2004|07:08pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

(Casey)Sorry about the whole being grounded again.. it wasnt for very long.. i got in a fight with my mom and dad the other day.. it was really stupid it was about old old old crap that happened with markus.. my mom has been going really crazy lately she thinks im doing drugs and hving sex all the time.. and if u know me thats just crazy.. even my sister gave me this lil drug test.. and my mom was thinkin about giving me a real one.. and a lie detector test to.. geez.. and it was really makin me mad i told her to bring the test on... haha.. it would be funny when she saw that i passed them all.. but anyways she was wanting to know why i didnt tell her everything that went on with me and markus.. and i told her because i didnt think she needed to know and be all worried about it when i already realized my mistake and learned from it.. im an independent person.. i handle things on my own.. but u know.. whatever.. anyways.. the other day i got up and i was supposed to go see a movie with amanda as u already know.. my mom had told me last night that she thought it was okay.. so my dad wakes me up at 11:00 and im still VERY tired because i stayed up very late the night before.. oh yeah and i talked to kyle again.. GOOD NEWS!!.. he told me that his lil cutter girlfriend cut herself once again.. and he said it was really starting to worry him.. he told her she needed some help.. and that they should just be friends.. he still talks to her trying to help her with her issues as he puts it.. but they are just gonna be friends.. but anyways.. my dad wakes me up and then tells me i have 5 min to get ready to go work.. so i get ready and we go out and start mowing this yard.. well my sister and my mom are inside the house we were mowing.. and they were painting.. so i go in there and ask my mom how im getting to the movies.. and she was like what are u talking about.. she didnt even rememeber our conversation about it the night before.. so i call and tell amanda i prolly cant go.. which sux.. but oh well.. what can you do.. i worked with my dad until about 5 and then i came home and had a nice steak dinner.. thats when i got in the fight with my parents.. but i think things are alright now.. then today i was supposed to go to my grandmas after church.. and i was gonna hang out with Kyle.. but ugh.. it was all messed up.. my grandparents were gonna come and pick me up and take me.. but see travis wasnt there.. so i asked my sister if she wanted to go and she seemed like she did.. so i just told them that we would go on our own and they didnt have to worry about it.. so me and my sister played sims talked to barry and then took a nap.. because we didnt have to be there until like 330 cuz thats when kyle gets off work.. but my sister just didnt want to take me.. so i couldnt go.. and my mom wouldnt either but she promised me she would take me up there sometime this week and stay long enough to meet kyle.. cuz she really wants to.. and once she meets him and likes him then i will be able to like hang out with him more.. but anyways.. that is if he doesnt freak us out.. so anyways.. me, you, travis, and kyle i guess will all go up there one night.. awww.. u know what.. when its dark we can turn that light on by the dock.. so it will reflect in the water.. and sit on the dock and just talk out by the lake.. awww.. that will be so FUN!!.. haha.. well im excited about or.. u know night.. that we are gonna do with kyle.. do u know what im talkin about? well anyways cant say to much.. maybe that was even to much.. well anyways i was supposed to call robbie yesterday afternoon but i havent called him yet so im about to go do that.. ttyl.. peace

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......florida...:( [05 Jun 2004|11:25pm]
[ mood | floida really sucks! ]

(amanda) well, today was pretty boring. i got up at like 11:00 and called kaci because we were supossed to go to the movies at 1:30.. we ended up not going... so that really sucks.. later on that day another one of my friends ashley called me up and we went to the movies.. i didnt have all that good of a time, i mean ashleys a really good friend and everything but i was sooo looking forward to getting to go with kaci that it just kinda ruined all the fun.. but its ok.. hopefully we'll be able to do something tomorrow at her grandmaws house.. that was i can see travis and she can see..ummmm..k y l e..I havent even talked to travis today which kinda sucks.. hes with his friend justin but i thought that he would have called.. but its all good.. kaci really needs to quit getting grounded form the internet!!!! everytime i get on i want to talk to her but now she cant even get on the internet which isnt good a-tall.. man kaci... i got my cell phone back today.. i had so many voice messages.. a couple were from travis..and brian..and you.. but 3 of them were from "florida guy"..:/..he told me that he had got to florida ok and that he was doing good.. he said that he was really looking forward to getting to come back down here for a while so he can visit me and he misses me.. i dont know if im supossed to feel good or bad about this.. i mean im happy that he called and everything and im happy that he misses me and that he wants to come see me but.. im in a relationship with travis now and i would never EVER do anything to hurt travis.. i mean, if only "florida guy" would have felt this way a couple of months ago then maybe i could of convinced him to stay here and everything would be better.. his timing just sucks.. he doesnt even know that im dating travis but next time that i talk to him im going to tell him.. i dont think that he'll like it, but i wonder what his reaction will be.. but i guess that it doesnt matter.. its not like hes gonna say that he'll never talk to me again or anything because since hes living in florida now, its not like he can talk to me any anyway.. man kaci, florida really sucks..if he would just move back down here then we could be just friends.. that would even be awesome.. (even though you know how being "just friends" works out for me).. but i really would never do anything to hurt travis.. even if it had anything to do with "florida guy".. You wanna know something else bad kaci? Brian is forever calling me now.. hes been calling me like every hour atleast.. he even called me while i was in the movies.. he told me that he still loved me tolday..:/.. do you wanna know what i told him? i was like, "well, i guess that you're just SOL".. you should be proud of me!!!:) im finally totally over him!!! i could care less what he does or says!!!! it took me long enough but thats another story all in itself.. well i guess that im gonna hop off here..ttyl...(leave a comment)

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......(bah).... [04 Jun 2004|09:32pm]
[ mood | happy ]

(amanda) wow.. my first journal enrtry.. what to say.. well, Kaci is a awesome friend and i really want to thank her for letting me use this.. I dont know what i would do without you!!! I wouldnt have anyone to tell all my horror boy stories to..haha!!!! I love all of our inside jokes and im really REALLY glad that we're friends that "dont get tired of each other" and that "dont do things to annoy each other" haha.. well, if you read Kacis journals then you pretty much know what ive been up to lately.. i just got back a couple of minutes ago from eating at Texas steakhouse with my family because it was my dads birthday.. my dads pretty awesome.. i love him to death.. if it wasnt for him then me and my mom would have already killed each other many times.. one of my sisters stupid little friends came to eat with us tonight.. i saw one of my friends there from church and started talking to her but right when i was about to leave, my sisters little friend came up and spilled her drink all over the both of us.. i was wearing a white shirt, but after she spilled her drink it had brown spots ALL over it.. oh-well.. anywayz, Travis is awesome..im so glad that he came along, because if he wouldnt have then i probably would still be worrying about that loser brian.. im soooo glad that im finally over him.. he was such a butt.. and i actually hope that him and hannah hook up.. they deserve each other!.. but travis really is awesome.. i wish that i could see him more often then just like every other day.. whenever i tell my dad and mom that we're dating then he'll probably be able to come over to my house and chill.. but i dont know if that would be ok with his parents.. i hope it is though because i really have fun when im with him.. awww.. hes such a sweetheart!!!!.. i really am looking forward to getting to know him better.. mine and travis's song is own right now!!!!! how cool? ..i really do like him.. hes perfect.. or the part of him that i know is.. but i think dating him is a good idea because i REALLY dont think that hes gonna turn out like a freak or just start cutting himself and asking me to cute him or anything and him likeing it.. haha...FREAK!!!.. that was pshyco when kyle started talking about that.. he really did start to freak me out a bunch.. man kaci, your just not having any luck with guys here lately are you? aww im sorry.. first markus who in the beginning was really cool and made you fall in love with him and told you that ya'll would last forever but in the end all he did was break your heart and turn into a total a$$.. and then there is james who is "too old" for you (as some people say) and lives 500 miles away so that kinda complicates things.. and then theres kyle.. man-oh-man.. he seemed perfect at the beginning but that was before that girl turned him freak and started cutting him and making him want to cut himself!!.. aww, kaci.. im sure things will start to look up soon.. atleast i hope that they do.. they did for me and now im with travis.. which is pretty darn cool because hes awesome.. umm did i say that travis is awesome?.. because if i didnt, then travis is really awesome.. man.. kaci!!! why do people have to live or move to florida? :'( They should all just come back up here... aww.. i miss him kaci.. he was so funny and adorable.. but he just up and left me right when we started "talking".. how sad.. he should come back to visit me.. (travis...travis...think about travis).. it would have never worked out between us anyway i guess.. he was too imature and, acording to him, i had went "too far" in other relationships.. but he just said that because he didnt like brian and me just kissing brian would have been considered "too far" to him.. but he was a little sweetheart.. oh-well.. kaci, we have to do something tomorrow.. i really hope that everything works out with us seeing that movie at 1:30.. i really hope that travis can come to because the more time that i spend with travis then the more my feelings fade for the "florida guy"..and those old feelings really need to fade and make room for the new ones..;)..well im gonna jump off of here.. kaci thanks again for letting my use this with you!! you're awesome and i love you!!! Best Friends for Life!!! NMWOWH
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This is war.. i blow ur F***ing head off for my country, (casey) [04 Jun 2004|05:55pm]
[ mood | amused ]

First of all before i go on about my day.. im excited to say that my friend Amanda will now also be posting on my name.. yes we are going to start sharing the username "heyimurbesfrien".. she was over here the other day thought it seemed cool.. and we decided to just have a combined name.. so thats pretty awesome.. so anyways.. me and amanda woke up today around 11:30.. and we had some muffins.. haha i love muffins.. and then when my sister got home.. we went out and burnt some paper, pineneedles, and a few ants.. and then went to the gym.. well they wouldnt let Amanda in because she wasnt a member.. so me and her went and played.. or tried to play racket ball.. it was pretty fun.. we werent good at all.. we got kinda tired of it after like 30 min.. and we went and got Cari who was jus finishin up with her workout so we left.. and then got home and ate some pizzas and then she had to go meet her mom to go out and eat for her dads birthday.. and now im here chillin chillin on the computer talking to James.. we are both pretty much stuck in the house for the night.. so we might as well be stuck together.. oh yeah and i really admire barry for being down there in Iraq..

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umm.. kyles an A$$ [04 Jun 2004|02:16am]
[ mood | surprised, confused,tired ]

umm did i say i was excited to talk to kyle? did i cuz if i did i take it back.. all of it.. i dont think about him.. hes an A$$.. yup.. i hate him.. with a passion.. him and his lil pyscho cutter girlfriend can go be freaks.. w/e gosh what a butt.. so umm yeah he makes markus look like a prince.. and markus dont even do anything.. well yeah back to where i was when i left.. we had a great time at the lake.. it was awesome.. we were on this lil raft.. our boat.. we made it there and back in an hour.. alot better than last time.. but we had atual paddels this time and went the shorter way.. haha.. Travis and Amanda are so cute together they really like each other.. its sweet.. i wish i could find something like that.. and it aint comming from kyle.. i know that for a fact.. u learn something new everyday.. who woulda known he seemed so innocent.. and not umm.. psycho.. but i guess everyone has to come out of thier closet some day.. well after me and Amanda left my grandparents we went to her house and got on the internet and i talked to jonathan this dude that goes to hopewell.. well yeah we are prolly gonna get together and go do something pretty soon.. so that should be fun.. ill prolly go with amanda and travis... that way im finally not the 3rd wheel.. well then we started playin with her lil sister.. she is CRAZY!! and kinda sick.. but thats another story.. my mom came and got us a lil later and took us back to my house.. and now we are here chillin chillin at 230 in the mornin.. hopefully we can figure out something to do tomorrow.. and find someone for me to be with so im not 3rd wheel.. if James lived down here :( or if kyle didnt have psycho girlfriends that cut themselves and people arond them.. and u know he didnt like it.. then maybe it would work... well we are gonna go to bed.. l8r

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..huh.. kyle [04 Jun 2004|12:10am]
[ mood | excited ]

Well today was pretty awesome but before we get to today lets start with yesterday.. umm i got up and i got on the internet and talked to some people.. and then my sister got home and i ate some muffins and then went to the gym.. bout the time i got home.. travis called me and we called amanda and talked about what we were gonna do that day.. after i hung up with them i took a shower got ready packed my bags.. and curled my hair.. then my momma took me up to my grandmas.. me and travis chilled there for a lil bit just blaring some music cuz no one was home.. and then about 30 min later amanda comes to the door and we leave with her to go to her church.. there i met josh and david 2 guys that go to her church that are really hot and funny.. but neways.. umm after church we went and chilled in her van until her mom was ready to go.. and then we went back to amandas house and went for a walk.. and came across 2 not one but 2 abandoned houses.. oh yes.. the memories are flashing back.. haha.. nah they didnt take advantage like me.. but i think thats only cuz i was there.. 3rd wheel again being the 3rd wheel makes me think of kyle.. well after our walk her dad took travis back to his house and then we went out to what-a-burger and then to his shop to move the van then back to her house to eat.. then we wrote travis an E-mail n crashed.. the next day we woke up and realized no one was home.. haha.. well first we were kinda excited.. but then we realized we didnt have a ride anywhere.. haha so i called Kyle but no answer.. and then i called markus but he was busy with his friend peter.. yeah i see who is more important.. he told me to call kyle.. lil did he know i called kyle first.. anyways.. when i got off the phone with markus i called kyle yet again.. and this time he picked up.. yay.. i told him that i wanted to hang out with him today before he had to go to work.. and that i needed a ride to my grandmas and u know what he said.. unlike markus.. he said.. wheres her house.. yup exactly.. hes so sweet.. and perfect.. unlike markus who was like im busy call someone else.. kyle said when and where.. and he was ready to come as soon as i said i needed a ride.. but he ended up not having to come b/c her dad came home.. but i was gonna hang out with him at my grandmas but it took so long to finally get there that it was already time for him to leave for work :( .. i really wanted to see him.. i was very sad.. but there is always another day... well we went to travis it was really awesome.. i will have to write the rest tomorrow because kyle is on and i want to talk to him really bad.. but right now amanda is over here.. and its just so much fun.. i have to write later

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Until the day i die ill spill my heart for you [01 Jun 2004|03:09pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Yesterday i did not do much at all.. i woke up.. ate breakfast.. then markus calls me.. i was very surprised he never calls me.. he didnt even call me when we were together.. he was being really sweet on the phone.. but i dont really think he cares about me.. maybe he was just bored.. but it seems like hes got a new life of his own now.. and i doubt i will ever hear from him agian.. we will see.. on to other things.. Amanda called me to.. and i was gonna go over to her house for this little thing she was having over there.. and we were gonna go swimming with some of our friends.. so i got already and did a few things for my mom.. but my mom was being a butt.. and just left the house to go shopping.. so i had no ride to her house.. and my sister had some homework she needed to do.. so i called amanda and told her that i couldnt come.. which sucked.. but i think we are gonna go do something today before i have to work.. i need to work.. im so broke.. well later on i got another phone call.. it was kyle.. i talked to him for like 5 or 10 min.. and then me and my sister went to go eat.. and when we got back i watched a movie 28 days after.. it was alright.. very wierd though.. well then i played this game on the computer.. and went to bed.. i went to the gym today.. and i talked to Kristina, Samantha, and Robbie.. me and Kristina are gonna try to get together on friday and saturday.. but i think i have to work.. Robbie was tellin me bout this shop that his uncle has where he fixes up alot of cars like hondas and other imports for people who want to get into racing.. he does engines and stuff.. i think that might be where markus goes all the time.. but i have no clue... and dont really care.. well anyways im bout to go c if i cant go to a movie with amanda and whoever else wants to go.. if u wanna go give me a call

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Its not suicide... its murder [29 May 2004|06:56pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

FINALLY im aloud back on!! hehe.. well anyways i have been pretty busy since my last entry.. im out of school now :D how cool is that.. well i guess thats where i left off and so thats where im going to begin.. on the last 2 days of school i had exams.. yeah i know they sucked.. i did really good on my english exam i made a 93 out of 100.. therefor getting a 4.. but i made like a B or C in the actual class.. yeah go figure.. i did better than all my friends on the exam but made a lower grade than them in the class.. oh well... i didnt talk to Markus any the first day of school during our like 15 min break between classes.. but the second day when i was walking past him he stopped me and started talkin to me.. i walked with him up to his class.. on the way his lil short friend brandon that everyone says we are brother and sister comes up and starts acting like i was the one commin up to him.. i was about to start chewing him out and markus knew that so he told him to go.. well right before i left markus he goes.. i love u.. im gonna call u tonight.. meet me after school so i can give u a better goodbye.. well i just said okay and left.. hey samantha after my last exam i talked to Zach b4 school was out... after school i went to say goodbye to markus.. dont ask why.. but i went and like as soon as i come up to him his friend comes back and says markus is my man now.. remember markus im better in bed.. and markus goes dude shut up.. and he didnt.. so i just go.. my friend saw ur little i mean penis.. and his little grin wiped off his face real quick.. (he came over to davids house when my friend was there and him and his friends went skinny dippin..)he was all like what are u talkin about.. and i go yeah over at davids.. and markus starts laughin and he goes oh umm that wasnt me it was RJ and leaves... so then markus gives me a hug.. and i said umm i have to go catch the bus.. and he goes okay i will call u.. i said w/e no u wont.. and i left.. he didnt call.. suprised?.. NOPE.. well then the next day i woke up.. i didnt know what to do with myself haha.. no school.. my friend amanda called me.. she is soo awesome.. and she was didnt know what to do with herself either.. so me and my sister ended up going and picking her up.. then we went to the mall.. then to pacific sunwear AKA Pac Sun and bought my cousin a birthday gift.. an Independent T-shirt and a wallet chain.. then we went to Starbucks.. then out to eat with travis for his birthday.. it was really fun.. me and amanda split some chicken tenders because they didnt have fetticunie alfredo or however u spell it.. when we were done my sister took me and amanda all the way back to our house to get our bathing suits and then it was back up to my grandmas to go swimming with travis.. thats when we called James who was at work.. it was so awesome talking to him.. i was already having an awesome time with my 2 really good friends and about to go swimming with a 3rd but then to talk to James who i havent talked to in awhile was awesome.. he always cheers me up no matter what.. anyways when we got to my grandmas we started swimming.. and it was really dark so we turned on the light in the pool.. well then my grandpa had showed me how to turn on the jets in the hot tub so i went out to do it but it didnt work.. instead the jets turned completly off.. haha.. well my Aunt wouldnt let me back in until i had them turned back on.. so im out there freezing and they werent turing back on and i didnt know why i was doin everything right.. well she finally lets me back in.. and we just decided to go swim in the lake.. that was pretty fun.. we were all just joking around and stuff.. Amanda and Travis started holding hands.. it was so cute.. awww.. when all that was over we went to go take amanda home.. and we went in to go meet her parents and stuff and we ended up like getting in this big conversation and then started watching this show and before u know it.. its already 11:30.. and since they like us so much they let amanda come over and spend the night.. the next day my sister wasnt home she left to go to Atlanta for Barrys sisters graduation.. that sucked.. but what can u do.. so me and amanda ate some breakfast and started playing SIMS that computer game it was really awesome we made us little people and stuff and we were trying to become movie stars and models.. later on that night i went to my grandmas.. amanda couldnt come because she had to go play at one of the graduations.. so it was just me and travis and travis's friend Parker.. we were swimming in the lake.. and then when that got old we went out front where travis was trying to jump to decks with his sk8board.. he finally did.. and i was hanging out with parker.. he was pretty cool.. but he acts his age if u know what i mean.. hes 14.. he likes me.. but im really not into him.. but hes a cool guy to hang out with.. well i went into the garage and found travis's skates so i put them on and i was doing good.. but then i was skating up the hill and i hit a rock and started to fall but i caught myself but then i couldnt get up because i was on a heel and had wheels so i just lowered myself down and layed there until parker came and lifted me up.. from then on parker just pulled me up the hill.. haha.. well amanda came over.. but just to pick me up and we went to what-a-burger and got some food.. then went back to her house.. and chilled there.. the next day we went back to my grandmas to hang out with Travis and Parker.. we swam some then played pool.. and watched apollo 13.. i think amanda and travis are gonna hook up.. they made out enough.. well around 5 we left took amanda home and then i had to come home and clean my room and bathroom.. and now here i am updating my journal.. i think im going to go to a movie or to carowinds or something tomorrow.. but i doubt it will happen because i will be so tired.. well im gonna get a cell phone really soon.. thats awesome.. but i have to pay for it so its not like im lucky or spoiled.. my parents arent helping me out AT ALL not one penny... so yeah.. well anyways ill have my new number on here whenever i get it.. later

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